Waiting on an Angel RXS

Title: Waiting on an Angel
Pairings: Remus/Sirius and James/Lily
Song: Waiting on an Angel- Ben Harper

Warning: I know I did not mention Tonks, and I don't hate her. I just prefer Remus loving Sirius, and wanted to write it this way. C:




The ground is hard.

The ground is so hard and uncomfortable.

There is something about the way the world looks from the ground. You can see the entire sky, the trees, the whole world happening right above you. It's like you are so very far away. It's like watching a movie in slow motion.


The screams and yells hit the trees and bounce across the destroyed  grounds of Hogwarts. The sky is a mass of broken protection charms bleeding the starry sky onto all the battered soldiers of a war that was on its last legs. The brilliant light of wands firing spells and curses lights up the pastures that once held the happy shuffling of innocent students and school bags, completely oblivious and naive to the world.


And there, on the cold ground, watching the world spin madly out of control right in front of his eyes, is Remus Lupin. His gold eyes are locked firmly on the stars, on the splashes of wand light, and not hearing the sound of screams and death. He doesn't feel anything, except the ground. The hard ground and the stickiness of the blood seeping onto his favorite darned jumper.


Waiting on an angel
one to carry me home
hope you come to see me soon
cause I don't want to go alone
I don't want to go alone


Remus knows exactly what is going to happen, as he lay very still, watching his world fall apart. This is the end of a long battle. It didn't start when Voldemort came back, nor when the attack fell on the grounds of Hogwarts. This was the battle of his life. He had been struggling every single day of his existence, and this was the end. He felt perfectly calm, with the blood spilling from his chest. His scarred face pale and silent of emotion.

He sees another flash of green in front of him and he takes a breath, not feeling it reach his lungs.

He is going to die.


The blackness seems to fade from the sky, and instead it is a warm, balmy summer day in 1977, he is young, and happy. He is so happy. There is a brilliant smile on his face, and his uniform robes billow around him. This is the time of his life. He knows it. He turns his head and looks. There is James, smiling with him, that lopsided grin. His glasses are askew on his nose and he tries to push them up while looking cool as the pass Lily Evans, reading in courtyard.

There is an arm around his shoulders. A protective arm that has all the warmth and heaviness of comfort. Remus looks up.

There is Sirius.

Not Sirius who was half with himself after Azkaban, but his Sirius. The Sirius he would spend the next several years with. Living together. Breathing together. Sirius looks down at Remus, and Remus feels his whole heart ache.


As the sky fades to black again he feels the ache remain. Those were the days where he was alive. Where he was really living. He had had a family. Those were the only years where he had ever been happy. He coughs and his breath staggers.


Now angel won't you come by me
angel hear my plea
take my hand lift me up
so that I can fly with thee
so that I can fly with thee


Remus had been left all alone. He had lost everything the night James and Lily died. He had lost his best friends, his family, and the love of his life. Worse than that, he actually thought Sirius had killed James and Lily. He had believed that the one person he wanted to spend his entire life with had killed James, who was practically his brother. He gone from having a family to being completely alone in the course of a few hours. It hadn't been fair. It wasn't fair that he was the only one left. He didn't want to be. He didn't want to be alone.

He didn't want to die all alone on this cold hard ground.

The last marauder.

The last of their family.

The last one to see the sky go silent over his head.


Someone runs by him and lets out a horrified noise. Someone he knows? Knew. He must be getting close, or he must look ugly, bleeding and dying all alone on the ground. He starts to feel cold.


Somewhere he starts to think about those nights after a full moon, when he would be all cold and alone in the hospital wing. Sirius would come sneaking in and curl up next to him, takeing his hand and lacing their fingers. He would stay there until Remus was all warm and asleep or until Pomfrey kicked him out so she could change Remus' bandages. He wishes he had that now. He wishes he had Sirius to come and curl up next to him and wrap his fingers around his scarred hand while his eyes grew heavier and heavier.


Remus doesn't know how everything fell apart. He has tried not to think about it for such a long time. How badly it hurt to sit on the floor of the little house and sob as he shredded the Ministry's letter to bits in front of him. Perfecly formal and completely uncomforting. He tries not to think about how he was a shell after that. His whole world gone. His whole life. His entire reason for living.

He tried not to remember the joy he felt when he saw Sirius in the shack that night when they discovered Peter. His pure and unbidden joy at no longer being alone. Seeing Sirius again an just feeling like there was something left somewhere in his heart.

Most of all Remus tries not to think of loosing Sirius.

Watching the light leave his eyes right in front of him.

Being more alone than he had been when he had received the death letter.

More alone than he had ever been.

Alone and lost.


And there on the ground, tears roll down his cheeks, working their way through the blood and grime on his face.

And I'm waiting on an angel
and I know it won't be long
to find myself a resting place
in my angel's arms
in my angel's arms


Remus never thought he would die like this. Not at Hogwarts, lying on the ruins of the best years of his life, all alone. He tries to flex his fingers, but it is useless. There is nothing to hold there anyway. Hogwarts was his home. He might as well die where he was happiest.

The protection charm that was over the school has shattered completely now, and the sky is full of stars and a sliver of the moon. Remus looks at that moon that until now has held so much power over him. That moon that brought him to everything, made him who he was, gave him his family, and made him suffer when they were all gone.

He wonders if James and Sirius are up there. Somewhere among those hundreds of stars maybe the two of them are running amok around causing mayhem and laughing. He could almost see them strutting around naked in the gardens of the afterlife being horribly obnoxious just like they were suppose to be. Smiling and laughing. Remus hopes so. That was how he loved them.

He wants to be there with them. He wants to watch James love Lily with every ounce of his being and blush and stammer, melting down under pressure. He wants to have Sirius sneak up behind him and take his books while he is trying to read, just to get him angry.


He looks up into the stars and he can almost see them, waving to him. Through the tears he smiles.


So speak kind to a stranger
cause you'll never know
it just might be an angel come
knockin' at your door
knockin' at your door
And I'm waiting on an angel
and I know it won't be long
to find myself a resting place
in my angel's arms
in my angel's arms


Everything is getting dark. The splashes of light have become fuzzy sparks on the plain of his vision. Remus feels a sob burn fire through his ruined body.


"I don't...want to go..." He whispers, watching the trees blur.


"I don't...want to go...alone. I don't want to go alone."


The stars go out one by one until it is dark and there is just Remus, the ground, and the moon.


"You aren't."


The voice comes from his right side, and he looks the best he can.


Sirius is there, smiling at him. He is just like he was before Azkaban. Before the pain and the war.

His Sirius.


"I don't want to go alone." He repeats.

"You are not alone anymore." Sirius says, and extends a hand. "Let go Remus. Its time."


Remus looks at the hand. He wants to take it. He wants to take it so badly. The moon is watching him and the ground is hard and he is cold.


"I am so sorry Remus." Sirius says. "You aren't alone."



Waiting on an angel
one to carry me home
hope you come to see me soon
cause I don't want to go alone
I don't want to go alone


As Remus lifts his hand from the sticky ground to take Sirius', the moon melts from the sky, and the blackness gives birth to a brilliant summer sky. They are standing on the thick grass of the Hogwarts Courtyard, just as it was all those years ago. His fingers are tangled in Sirius as he is gently pulled to his feet. The courtyard is filled with excited students, and there is James, waving and smiling, waiting for them to join him for the afternoon lesson.

Remus looks at Sirius who smiles warmly, and gives his hand a gentle squeeze.


"Welcome home Remus." He says.

Remus smiles widely and for the first time in what feels like an eternity he is happy.

He is where he belongs, and he will never be alone again.




Professor McGonagall stops as she is walking the now silent grounds, patrolling.  She sees something in the grass a ways away from the whomping willow that makes her chest constrict. She walks over, slow and quiet, and then looks down, seeing what exactly what she had been expecting.

The gold eyes of Remus Lupin have turned a dull brown, the light, the curse, the pain gone from his face. Tear tracks are etched through the grime and dried blood on his face. She feels her throat tighten and she bends down beside him.

Beside her robes, Remus' hand is positioned oddly, as if he is holding an invisible hand. She closes her eyes. Of all the people in the world, Remus Lupin had deserved so much better than what he was given. She could only hope that the hand she couldn't see had pulled him along to a happier place. She hoped that there was some angel to take him away from all the pain he had suffered.


"Goodbye old friend," She says softly, and reaches out to close his eyes, "I hope you found your way home."


As she stands, the wind billowing through her cloak, she swears she can hear the laughter of a group of boys somewhere in the distance. She smiles softly. Even though James, Sirius, and Remus were gone they would always be here in spirit.

She isn't the only one who will remember them.

The closest friends ever to walk the grassy grounds.

The Marauders of Hogwarts.

don't want to go
I don't want to go alone


Mischief Managed